Timing is Crucial for Marriage Counselling
Marriage counselling is hard work and there are no guarantees. However, if you and your partner are both willing to invest the time. You are already better equipped to strengthen and improve your relationship.
Have you already given up?
The effectiveness of marriage counselling is causally related to the willingness of the two partners to create change. Some people approach marriage counselling once they have already given up. They are now essentially going through divorce counselling. This may be because one or both partners are finding an excuse and platform to announce they have decided to leave.
Even if one person is willing to change, counselling still sometimes does not go the way you wished. This may be because someone has given up, the problems in the marriage are too ingrained, or one of the parties is not being honest to the therapist.
It is important that both members of the couple feel comfortable with the therapist. If the counsellor is not a good fit, this can push one or both people to prematurely drop out.
Why is timing so important?
Timing is essential when it comes to the success of marriage counselling. If you are unsure if you should see a relationship counsellor, consider checking out the other blog where we share 7 signs you should consider relationship counselling.
The relationship and marriage expert Dr. John Gottman has said that couples wait on average six years before getting help. That means that many couples let six years of resentment and anger built up prior to seeking external input to help their marriage.
It is never too early
It is never too early to start working on your relationship. We spend time doing courses to improve our knowledge, go to the gym to strengthen our body and consider foods to boost our nutrition. So why would we not dedicate time and effort into one of the most important aspects of our lives? The relationship within our marriage.
To fight or not to fight
Conflict is an inevitable and normal part of a committed, romantic relationship. Due to people’s individualities and different upbringings, there will be clashes in beliefs and goals. The point of marriage counselling is to help you identify these clashes and work through them in a healthy manner. Otherwise, unresolved, and repetitive conflicts can lead to bitter disputes. Avoiding the topics all together can also backfire in intimate relationships. This is because bottling up negative thoughts and feelings creates resentment between individuals.
So, when should you consider marriage counselling?
If you have reached a point where you are experiencing repetitive fights, feel as if you are not improving, and instead distancing from each other, then you should consider marriage counselling. Allow a neutral third party bring you back to the basics.
In a safe place you will explore how to support each other’s passions, have realistic expectations, and communicate freely. Learn to avoid the blame game and instead open dialogue to work together with the person you have chosen as your life partner.