Anger is a natural emotion that automates defence of self if we are attacked. However, if the anger is starting to affect your life negatively in your relationships, your family, your friends, your judgements, your choices, your children, and your health or at work, it is a good indication that you need to seek help. A counsellor can help you in identifying your trigger points before the anger affects the rest of your life. Anger, like all other emotions can be controlled with effort.
What’s angry? Anger is an emotion. Anger can be mild or severe and causes physical and mental changes in a person. A person’s their blood pressure and heart rate will elevate with anger. The person will feel an adrenaline rise with anger. Physical signs we see and hear in an angry person can look like these: red face, narrow/wide eyes, frown lines, body stretched out wide and large, pacing movements, fists clenching/ hitting, throwing objects, resisting force or conversation, walking away yelling, ignoring others, repeated language, unsettled.
When anger is out of control, it can become abusive and violent behaviour. In some cases people are angry because of abuse or violence. Either way abuse and violence relate back to control issues of intimidation and creating a fear in others.
What to look for in Anger?
- Verbal, physical, mental or emotional abuse.
- When your family & friends worried about your anger.
- When you get angry often or become angry quickly 0-100 in seconds.
- You are unable to clam yourself down when angry.
- The anger is bigger than the cause.
- It’s the only way you get what you want.
- Angry at none related triggers.
- You start to become anxious or depressed about your anger.
- The anger is around for a long time.
- You get angry with the less powerful and closest people to you.
Why is it we get angry?
Many variables in our lives can cause anger. Sometimes we feel angry because we did not achieve or get what we wanted from others. We have expectations of others and we get angry when they are not met. We may feel frustrated by things like work, people, circumstances, places, failures, disappointments, obstacles, time, money, power, love, success, freedom, chores or even hurt by others. Anger is usually tied in with other negative emotions. Sometimes it is hard to identify the connected emotions especially for men. Negative emotions can look like frustrated, frightened, depressed, anxious, worried, embarrassed, and more.
When we are angry in anyway as above we frighten the people around us and usually after a period of time these people will have nothing more to do with you.
How do we control or address our Anger issues?
We start with identifying we have anger issues and need help from a trained psychotherapist.
Then we need to start learning how to manage our anger. It was once stated expressing your anger, was a releasing of the anger. However, new studies have indicated that this just adds to the anger. Bottling up anger can cause other health problems. If we bottle up our anger it can later become explosive, or turn into another mental health illness.
Managing your anger happens with the support of your psychotherapist and identifying early signs of anger, trigger points, and learning calming techniques.
One of the difficulties for anger clients is identifying the warning signs of anger. Along with your therapist you will be able to learn these strategies, recognise them and practice them to calm yourself out of angers way.